Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, January 23 (age 16)
~ There are things that I just wanted to take care on my own…..
~ I decided to solve my own problems and see the outcome of whatever choice that I was able to make.
~ Its easier that way. No people to worry about me, no person will judge and no more reasons for me to say.
~ I just want to make sure that I could take things on my own and tell to myself that even though life has a lot of hard lessons and struggles, I could stand up for myself and say “Hey! Life’s not bad after all.”
~ That’s what I wanted to believe.
~ There are things I want to learn, things that I shouldn’t forget, and meet people that would remember me for who I am.
~ I'd like to be able to let all my emotions out without hurting anyone I love.
~ That’s why I decided to take things on my own without the help of my friends or family.
~ Some people think that I’m a person full of laughter, happiness, smiles...
~ But they’re not entirely right.
~ I’m just wearing a mask just to make them think that I’m fine, that I’m okay.
~ I grew up depending only on my own without people telling me what to do or what to say. That there's like a big wall that's containing me to prevent me from just being myself.
~ Fortunately, I didn't end up like those other kids who become rebels and just do what they want to do with their lives and abuse themselves from influences that could hurt themselves and the people around them.
~ I grew up learning that being bad is bad from my lola. When she left me to take care of my younger sibling who's living abroad for my mom, I was just 14. That's where I started to leap from my age and think like a different person.
~ As years pass, I was I able to become more and more independent.
~ Although I did, I'm note prone to create mistakes. There's still so much uncertainty with me, so much insecurities. That made me reticent, that part of me became invisible which at the same time made disgusted about myself.
~ At first I believed that being who I want to be is sometimes the wrong thing to do.
~ Maybe that’s why at the first place I forgot who I really am, not knowing of what I have become and that I’ve already lost a big part of me.
~ I think I should also search the other side of me. The real me.
~ I believe I should start to accept myself so that people would be able to understand and accept me too.