Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, September 1 (age 17)
~ I'm starting to fall with this special girl. Simple yet strong, quiet yet courageous, open-minded and happy. Not any ordinary girl, she was different like me with so much uncertainties. In fact we may even belong to each other because of how different we are from everyone else.
~ The only thing that's wrong about this is that I may be the only one who feels this way.
~ We played with what I call a "love game" with her. Though it's not a fling. It's more like pretending that you are both "like" each other in front of your family and friends... But the truth is you only treat each other as friends. A game we both know, but not revealed with each other.
~ As we go along with it, it didn't seem like a game for me anymore. She was the only girl I have ever liked.
~ We held each others hand in public; we watched movies with only the two of us; a date and I met her parents. And we won! They liked me and thought it really was us.
~ An assurance to her parents that she's on the right track in a relationship. And a hint of hope for me to change.
~ I pretended that I didn’t know what was happening, that she was just using me. I was enjoying her company. Then I realized I'm slowly falling for her, though for some reason, I was saddened to the fact that I did. She will never be mine.
~ Nor will there ever be a chance that she might feel the same way towards me.
~ It was a game I almost gambled. I almost told her what I felt; good thing a friend of mine told me that it would all just be complicated, for both of us.
~ But was it really a good thing?
~ I was aware that she's a player. And during the times that I feel something special for her, she was in between two people. Even so, there was still something inside me telling me that I could change her, and that we could BOTH change.
~ I remembered someone courted her, they where friends at first but when the guy started to pursue her... she never talked to him anymore. Though I still thought that it may turn out different between the both of us.
~ But I decided not tell her… I was afraid we would lose our friendship and lose someone I love. So I was the one who decided to drift away.
~ There were times talked on the phone and suddenly I felt smittened again by her charm. I tried to tell her that I'm falling for a certain girl whom I met in school.
~ Obviously, I'm not good at this and I could sense that she thinks I'm referring to her, and i was just using someone else's identity. Though she didn’t asked who the girl was… I forced myself to to tell her the girl I had in my mind.
~ I told her that I could change for that girl; that I would do anything just for her to fall for me…
~ I asked her if she was waiting for someone… she said that she's a bit tired of waiting. Though, I told her to hold on because someone might come to make her feel special again.
~ I thought I let go for what I fell for her… But it all came back in just a snap.
~ I told her I'm leaving the country… that I'm going there because I want to change myself for that girl; physically and emotionally.
~ She was very supportive and told me that I could do it.
~ And I decided to tell her everything once I went back and see a whole new me.
~ For the first time in my life… I'm in the right track.
~ I just hope that she'll wait for me.
~ Maybe this is what love really means. To change for the person you really love, to sacrifice everything for this person, to try to enter in someone else's life and to let yourself love that person.
*I'll change for you… I don’t care if you'll accept me or not when I come back… but I know… I want to change for you… It's what I need more than what I want to do.
I'll do everything for you… Just wait for me…*
~ Could this be really it?... Or something else might happen that could change my entire life... We'll see
Friday, June 4, 2010
Monday, August 7 (age 17)
~ Sometimes I wonder that being a child is better that being an adult.
~ As a child you live in a simple and happy-go-lucky life, you don't care about anything that is happening in your society or your surroundings, your happiness seems endless, no problems to think about your emotions and knowledge are limited but that's what make is more exciting.
~ As we grow, we become more aware of our emotions, our feelings, we grow to learn new things and that feelings of accomplishments of no matter how simple those things you have learned, it's like you knew everything that you need to know in this world. We begin to know how important love is, we wake up everyday happy with that huge smile on our faces.
~ We don't even have a single clue what hurting is... We just knew it as a word, or as a word to use when you get a wound or a scratch.
~ I remember how I used to be so excited, enthusiastic and ecstatic about everything.
~ I remember how easy it was for me to make new friends, talk about stuff that don't even exists, talk about cartoons and act out our own funny yet very exciting adventures, we were the main characters and that no matter what happens we have enough courage and fortitude, that good guys will always win against the bad guys.
~ I remember how I used to be so curious about every little things, every little details. The sun, plants, the trees all that my little ebony black eyes could see.
~ I remember how easy it was for me to just laugh about silly things and smile about great things that happens to me.
~ I remember how I used to make people laugh and smile with me.
~ I remember how less complicated my life used to be.
~ But then again, i realized, that this is just the rising action of our life, the second stage in a plot.
~ I'm starting to see the light of growing up, that its not really that bat after all. You're free to do anything as long as its the right thing to do, you get a better view of what life has to offer to you, and a lot more.
~ Although I tried to remember how i looked and act when i was a kid. I did have a normal and happy childhood. But then I also let some simple yet significant opportunities to pass through me realizing that it was important. I wasn't subjected to take risks before, I was just that little helpless me
~ But i don't regret anything that I did and chose, because at the first place its what i wanted to do, and what I think was right. I was vigorously satisfied.
~ Childhood, the exposition of our life, we may never come back but we could always remember the simplicity as a child.
~ This gave me an important inspiration. That as we grow, lets not forget to be childlike, simple, and happy.
~ The exposition: our childhood.
~ Rising Action: our adolescence.
~ Climax: the paramount of our success.
~ Falling action: The quiet and simple life, and the resolution our final stage, our last days in this this world.
~ Our life is a big literature.
~ We could go back to our own stories to rethink about our life.
~ Our childhood is one story, but what makes it more exciting is the fact that we can get our childhood back along with growing up, we could take that simple and happy life that we used to have.
~ Some say that its better to talk to children than adults because they have so much honesty and creativity in what they have got to say, that we may be able to learn something from them.
~ Then if its that so, you may talk to you inner child, he'll know what to do.
~ We have a lot more stages to walk to. More things to discover, learn and experience.
~ I can't wait to see myself growing with a better life, a better me.
~ Great thing is, there's a hint of that little old child of me in those eyes.
~ That at the end I'm still that happy little grown up child.