Gone

Sunday, November 12 (age 18)

~ It was too late…

~ I thought it was easy to move on but it wasn't… That’s why I didn't tell anybody. Besides nobody really knew what I felt for her. It’s been two weeks since I found out that she has someone else now…

~ I was looking for her friendster account, and I see a picture of someone else… The caption says: “My long wait is over…” and the testimonial of that person simply says “You’re mine””

~ It was really easy to understand, She has someone else now. I asked her to wait for me… Though, she did not.

~ I can’t blame her, I mean, it’s not really easy to wait… And I knew that she’s not really that patient. It was just a game.

~ I was horrified with what she did to herself, she cutted her beautiful hair short She never really tried to change as much as I did…

~ I tried to forget everything about her, and focus on just being her friend, but the more I try to forget her, the more she comes back to my mind.

~ Hurting is far more deeper than its words when it hits you.

~ It’s like trapping your own self in an ice cube where you would forever be cold and shivering with pain.

~ It’s like being in a bubble, floating in to thin air, where you can’t hear anyone, and if you try to scream no could ever hear your voice even if you try to scream at the top of your lungs.

~ Or being alone in space, where nobody can see you, where you travel in an endless path of eternity with no destination and that loneliness engulfs your body and your deep soul.

~ I felt stupid for slipping my chance to tell her how I really feel. It was really difficult because I felt that I wasn't the right person for her yet, and the only way to make her fall for me, was to change myself for her.

~ I always look back, I always tell my self “If I only did this” or “If I was just there and told her” but it was all senseless now… Then the word “maybe” turns up…

~ Maybe she’s not the one for me.

~ Holding on was the only way to believe that I was fighting for what I felt for her. But it’s not useful… I don’t stand a chance against her feelings for that person…

~ All I can do now is to let go.

~ I still do love her… but it’s now time to move on…

~ She was the first and only girl I ever loved...